How I first denied and later started to open my heart
To tell you why I so truly believe in Yoga & Ayurveda it can be helpful to share my brief history with you. As always it all started when I was a young girl full of dreams: dreams of becoming a ballet dancer and mother and dreams about everything being pink. As this was and still is my favorite color.
Nevertheless, after high school I started to study law as justice for me was at that moment something to pursue. Although I loved my studies – especially because I just love studying – practicing law in the financial sector created a sense of disconnection. Starting with yoga in this period of time was inevitable. Even though it was solely for the purpose of finding relaxation and to stay in shape I noticed a shift already after my first practice. Of course I couldn’t pinpoint what it was at that very moment, but I knew that I should continue on this path right away.
Because of my regular yoga practice I started to become more aware. First of my body and feelings, but eventually also of my mind and the noise my mind creates. Step by step I noticed that my hasty life was transforming into a more balanced way of living, yet it was in that moment that the “shit hit the fan”: my body started to get achy and day by day my range of motion decreased. Leaving me with continuous pain the whole day and night resulting in more tiredness as I couldn’t sleep anymore. Still I continued working, studying (a postdoc financial law at that time) and doing everything as if nothing was happening. At one point I was lying in my bed and I wanted to get out, but my arms, hands and fingers where not moving. I thought I would get paralysed and tears rolled down my cheeks. My husband wasn’t home and since I couldn’t move my fingers I was not able to send any messages. For me it felt like this moment was forever. After some terrifying minutes my fingers started to tingle and slowly the feeling in my hands came back.
My hasty life was transforming into a more balanced way of living
That day I went to see a doctor where they asked me if rheumatoid arthritis (autoimmune disease) was in the family. Even though I clearly knew that some family members are really suffering from this disease I denied it fully. Of course they took some blood samples and the day after they called me that the results were not good and that I should go see a rheumatologist right away. Since my blood was showing very high risk standards they got me in the same day and I remember walking out the hospital with two big bags of medicines. I was devastated. Standing there, only 25 years old, with a body full of pain and really heavy medicines threw me off completely.
Luckily for me the medicine were working and the pain got less. I can’t describe how grateful I was for those medicines since I could sleep again and my days became more joyful. However, the disease was still there which resulted in inflammation throughout my whole body (throat, lungs, fingers, shoulders, heart, etc.). As it was really harming my body there was – at that moment – no other option than surgery. Again, I was grateful as the interventions got me back on track. But again, this was not for long.
By then I remember going to a yin yoga class, but I couldn’t move my body. The pain was back again. I started crying very loudly and couldn’t stop. It felt so unfair. Being 25 and not healthy. Therefore I kept denying the disease and went on like nothing was there. After a surgery I could easily drop into the office a couple of days later still under influence of the narcosis.
It was at this moment that I came in contact with Ayurveda. Through Ayurveda I started to discover my own personal, mental, and physical nature. By this I learned to make the right choices which would benefit my health. After years of living Ayurveda my complaints were gone even against believe of the Western doctors! I can assure you that for someone who studied and practiced law for 10 years I need my facts before I believe something. By experiencing this I have the best fact right in front of me and there is no way I can deny it anymore.
I started to discover my own personal, mental and physical nature
Now you would think that I had learned my lesson, but unfortunately I kept pushing myself forward again and again. Until I found myself completely burned out. Once more a sign that I was living against my own truth which I deep inside already knew.
My burn-out taught me so many things, but the most important one is that I learned to go from thinking into feeling. Instead of living in my head with constant (negative) thoughts swirling around my head I learned how it is to live in the present moment. To be authentic and to let go of what others might think of me. This was such a relieve in which I slowly started to let go of judgement. Not only to others, but mostly towards myself. Due to my daily yoga practice and growing awareness I started to become more open, soft and gentle and decided that it was time to start following my heart. Jep, finally it seemed that I took my lesson.
It opened my eyes and I stopped judging others and myself
With the support of my ever loving husband I changed my life radically and stopped working as a lawyer. Finally I started to prioritize my intuition rather than following the ‘norm’ which was life changing for me. From this moment on it seemed that the whole Universe was supporting me to pursue my dreams. Looking backwards, I can only say that I am forever grateful for the pains I needed to go trough. Because it is due to these pains that started to see the signs and actually follow them.
This been said, you can see that the integration of Yoga & Ayurveda in my daily life really helped me to take responsibility for my own life and happiness. Setting my own goals. It gave me the strength to pursue my dreams without being anxious about the future. Since I am still on a journey of growth in which I try to live a more balanced and fulfilled lifestyle I hope to inspire you as well to live more from your heart so we can grow together.
So, yes the love for pink is still here. Because wouldn’t the world be one big pink shiny globe if we are all able to enjoy life exactly as it is?